I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
