he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I wear drunk well.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
