Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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