My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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