Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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