Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
