I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
