remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
