my mouth tastes like poor choices
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
