another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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