I CAN MOONWALK!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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