for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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