So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
