omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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