He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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