The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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