Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
