WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
