Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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