I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
