I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
