why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
