i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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