Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
