I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
