I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
