Already got asked if we're dating
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
