did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
