we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
