You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
