Swine flu. Run for my life!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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