Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
