it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
