The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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