you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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