Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
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This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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