If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
