I'm drive I can fine osifer
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
