I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
