I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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