ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
