you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
