she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
