i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
