Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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