textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
