I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
