Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
