woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
