I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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