I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
