dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
