Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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