just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
