My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
