They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
