Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
