the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
