I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
