I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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