he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
