yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just forgot I was standing up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
