Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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