maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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