I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
