My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize