You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
