drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
