I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
