Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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