I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
