hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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