I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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