he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
