It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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